I read with disbelief your paper "IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS" in light of the seemingly unreputable scientific evidence presented, I passed the article to our School of Science for confirmation of your calculations. I was relieved when I recieved the following reply which confirms my belief in the existence of Santa.
An earlier circulation made some erroneous assumptions leading to a totally fatuous argument concerning the possibility of the existence of Santa Claus. The authors of the document place all their trust in classical mechanics and show a woeful ignorance of any Santum effects deriving from the wave-nature of Santa.
Any impartial observer will note that as soon as consideration is given to the theory, two very significant features become immediately evident. We are confident with some certainty of the high kinetic energy of the particle (i.e. santum) and hence have little confidence in the spatial position of the santum. Yes, santum is a wave and not localised to one volume of space. Anyone familiar with wave theory will have encountered tunnelling effects e.g. electron tunnelling. The phenomenon in the santum effect is more correctly termed "the chimney effect" . Hence the santum particle may appear to penetrate walls, enter and escape from locked rooms etc.
You may well ask what evidence there is to support the theory and of course at this moment scientists are agreed that it is tenuous and circumstantial. The bulk of evidence comes through attempted observations of Santa which invariably give readings in the red region of the visible spectra due to red shift. As you wilI be aware nearly all sightings of Santa have been reported as having red associations.
It has been clear for some time that work needs to be done substantiating the theory. A major research project is underway currently. A team at the University of Greenwich have landed a plum contract to enable them to investigate the phenomenon over the festive season. Based at the Thames barrier, a diffraction grating is being erected to show the wave nature of Santum. The grating will consist of a giant array of Christmas puddings. Continuous monitoring over the festive season should provide the evidence we seek.