Subject: hisdick (Joke for VAX users)

node MYDICK::

We were trying to find a name for our new system and someone suggested MYDICK, which led to the following situations. Imagine shouting these across a room.

MYDICK is down. MYDICK won't come up. MYDICK crashed. MYDICK is unavailable. I tried several times, but I can't get MYDICK up. How much memory does MYDICK have? MYDICK is hung. Who's the System Manager for MYDICK? MYDICK has megabytes. I would like access to MYDICK. I'm going to my office and play with MYDICK. I want to put MYDICK on the net. MYDICK is user friendly. MYDICK is running. I can play games on MYDICK. MYDICK has bugs. Will you please boot MYDICK? Anyone with the password can access MYDICK. I need a modem to use MYDICK. MYDICK is standing back in the corner. And finally: MYDICK is hung in a loop.

"Error connecting to MYDICK::"

"INSUFFICIENT RESOURCES AT REMOTE NODE..."

And a service call on MYDICK:: Man calling field service, dials wrong number.

Ring......ring.....click (sexy female voice answers) "Hello?"

"Hello, I'm calling to report that MYDICK is down."

"Oh, really, and how may I help you?"

"Well, I'm hoping that you can tell me how to get it up."

"This sounds interesting. OK, I can try. Assuming it's not from over using it, do you know what caused it to go down?"

"It got struck by lightning."

.............."GOODNESS, that's awful!!!"

"It's not too bad. It's getting old anyway. I usually only play games with it."

"I could show you how to do a lot more than play games with it."

"A lot of my co-workers use theirs for business. Maybe, someday."

"I don't know about using it for business, but only for games is a little bit of a waste, too."

"Well, since the lightning storm, it doesn't do me much good, anyway."

"I must admit that you seem to be taking it rather well. My boyfriend would be devastated."

"Oh, it's not such a big deal, it's just a small one. I wanted a larger one, but I couldn't swing it. It only stands about 36 inches."

................"ONLY 36 INCHES???"

"Yeah, I've seen some as big as 52 inches."......(silence) "Hello?"

"Oh, sorry, I, uh, you should be able to swing that!!!"

"They're kinda hard to come by."

"I can just imagine. That's what I call hung!!!"

"Yep, it's hung alright."

"I've tried booting it and I kicked it twice, but it just won't respond."

"Jeez, didn't that hurt?"

"I hurt my foot when I kicked it the second time."

"Damn. I'd think you might be a little more gentle with it. I think if you play with it, you can get it to work again."

"Oh, I've played with it for almost 2 hours and it just won't come up. It seems like it's going to work OK, but then it gets hung in a loop."

"My, this sounds like a tough problem."

"It's not an easy one. Could you come over and take a look at it?"

"You bet!!!..........................................I'd love to see it!

MYDICK served everybody and now it won't work.

Can we make MYDICK public?

Support for MYDICK: How can we service you?

MYDICK going down in 5 ...will be up in 10.

I don't think anyone in the office likes it, no one has touched MYDICK all day.

WARNING: MYDICK down at 6am to be serviced.

Every time I get on MYDICK it spews something strange at me.

Dammit! MYDICK is spewing things all over my windows!

MYDICK just died....Now what?

Everybody loves MYDICK, it's their favorite host on the menu.

Security Warning: Don't leave MYDICK unattended.

Manager: There is a problem with MYDICK, can you get on it right away? Servicewoman: (sexily) We'll get down on it right away.

Is anyone else having trouble? MYDICK is stuck in the net.

I can't believe it, I spilled cold water on MYDICK and it's still up!

MYDICK works better in the cold, I have trouble when it is hot.

Will I wear it out if I use it constantly for 20 hours a day?

MYDICK takes FOREVER to warm up!

I love it, MYDICK ranks with the best of them.

Dammit! I'm installing it and it doesn't fit where we want it!

We offer FREE Tutorials on the proper use of MYDICK.

Oops, (shyly) we didn't mean to run it into the ground.

It's just like ACS, after 120 people you know it's going to go down for a LONG TIME.