..........John C Dvorak's Great Operating System Quiz..........

{PC Magazine Sept 24, 1991 }

Finding the right operating system is as simple as ordering a pizza and answering some easy questions.

In the months (and perhaps years) ahead, many of us will be confronted by a decision: What operating system to choose? DOS? Unix? DOS with windows?

As I watch more and more users choose sides, it's apparent that there are aspects of individual personalities that work into the decision. So I did some arduous research to develop one of my famous tests to help people determine which operating system is best for them. I examined a combination of both computing needs and personal habits.

Circle either the DOS, OS/2, W (for Windows), or Unix choice next to your favorite answer. Count up the number of answers for each choice. Whichever one dominates should be the right operating system for you. If there is a mismatch of answers, then you should probably wait a year.

Dvorak's Operating System Quiz

  1. What application do you expect to use the most?
    • DOS) spreadsheet
    • OS/2) large complex database
    • W) solitaire
    • Unix) GREP
  2. What is your favorite TV show?
    • DOS) "Nova"
    • OS/2) "The MacNeil-Lehrer Report"
    • W) Woody Woodpecker
    • Unix) The 3 A.M. test pattern
  3. What is your favorite hobby?
    • DOS) stamp collecting
    • OS/2) bird watching
    • W) snail racing
    • Unix) button collecting
  4. What kind of clothes do you prefer?
    • DOS) sports suit, no tie.
    • OS/2) suit and tie.
    • W) sweater and jeans.
    • Unix) Nerdy T-shirt, jeans, and no underpants.
  5. What kind of music do you like?
    • DOS) The Beatles
    • OS/2) classical
    • W) New Age fusion music
    • Unix) tuba solos
  6. What's your favorite color?
    • DOS) modern beige
    • OS/2) blue
    • W) stark white
    • Unix) pizza-stain red
  7. What's your favorite car?
    • DOS) Ford
    • OS/2) Lexus
    • W) fake Bugatti
    • Unix) Borgward
  8. Who is your favorite artist?
    • DOS) Rembrandt
    • OS/2) Pollack
    • W) Dali
    • Unix) Gary Larsen
  9. Who is your favorite author?
    • DOS) Robert Heinlein
    • OS/2) Tom Wolfe
    • W) John Madden
    • Unix) Walt Disney
  10. Who is your favorite actor?
    • DOS) Rod Steiger
    • OS/2) John Wayne
    • W) Leonard Nimoy
    • Unix) Richard Simmons
  11. Who was your favorite president?
    • DOS) Abe Lincoln
    • OS/2) Ronald Reagan
    • W) Jack Kennedy
    • Unix) Hubert Humphrey
  12. What's your preferred breakfast food?
    • DOS) cereal
    • OS/2) steak and eggs
    • W) softboiled egg
    • Unix) pizza
  13. If time wasn't important, how would you prefer to travel?
    • DOS) walk
    • OS/2) steam train
    • W) hot air balloon
    • Unix) pogo stick
  14. (to be answered by men) If you were stuck on a desert island with only one woman, whom would you choose?
    • DOS) Kim Basinger
    • OS/2) Meryl Streep
    • W) Dr. Ruth Westheimer
    • Unix) a photo of Kim Basinger
  15. (to be answered by women) If you were stuck on a desert island with only one man, whom would you choose?
    • DOS) Kevin Costner
    • OS/2) Arnold Schwarzenegger
    • W) Bill Gates
    • Unix) a photo of Kim Basinger
  16. When you get up in the morning, what is the first thing you do?
    • DOS) shower
    • OS/2) brush teeth
    • W) gargle
    • Unix) pick off food stuck to body from sleeping with pizza
  17. What's the last thing you do before going to bed?
    • DOS) let out cat, turn off lights
    • OS/2) brush teeth
    • W) pray
    • Unix) check to see if there is a pizza in the bed
Tally your score and don't waste a minute finding pleasure in the operating system that suits you best. One disclaimer I have to make: Anyone scoring 17 straight "Unix" answers should seek counseling immediately.