From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Nick Beeson)
This was given to me by an Continetal airline gate attendant at Newark
International Airport. We had been standing around chatting for a couple of
hours while a plane was flown in to take me on a MUCH delayed flight.
This was on-line, on his computer at the counter at the gate. After he read
it to me I expressed a wish that I could have a printout. Lo-and-behold he
had a dot matrix printer under the counter and made a printout forme on the
I suspect that this is quite old since the printout was all upper case, and
did not have quotes, parentheses, or apostrophes.
CO DATA PAGE -- TERMINOLOGY -- CAT:BTN SUB:DES PGE:TRM
As you are all aware, the airline industry in which we work has it's own
unique set of terminology. The following are some of the most commonly used
terms and their definitions.
A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or
small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily
rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect
into a group called a "line." This "line" has no set pattern and is usually
formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus
iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus.
Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure.
A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is coming off the flight.
Any passenger booked through a travel agency.
Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in first class
and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms. Non-revenue position
are permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent revenue passengers
from being able to pay first class passenger charges.
A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) travelling together. The
group leader, who has the tickets, usually waits in the bar until the required
pre-board time of five minutes before departure, or until there are no seats
left together, whichever occurs last. Reservation agents are prohibited from
pre-assigning seats to groups as this may convenience them.
An airport decoration. Usually unnoticed except by small children. Its
primary function is to hide the location of various areas of the airport,
i.e., gate numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.
This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when interpreted by
the passenger says, "Form line here."
The most difficult area of the airport to find. It is usually hidden by
numerous signs saying, "Baggage Claim Area."
CARRY ON BAG
An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed to fit under the
passenger's seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what the passenger says
the following are not acceptable as carry-on items: bicycles, steamer trunks,
refrigerators, truck tires, or wide screen projection TVs.
An entertaining work of paperback fiction.
An obscure term, meaning unknown.
A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs around an airport while the
surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used to
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL
A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. The game has no
rules, and neither side knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent
flights from arriving in time for passengers to make connecting flights.
A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of an
Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities of Uri Geller, the compassion of a
psychoanalyst, and and the tact of a diplomat. They have mysterious abilities
to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather phenomenon. They are
capable of answering three questions at one time, while talking on the phone,
and without stuttering or choking on their tongue. In later life they may be
found in parks carrying on mysterious conversations with themselves.