Intellect on Parade

  1. Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. (Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest)
  2. Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. (Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC)
  3. I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. (Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward)
  4. Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. (Mariah Carey, pop singer)
  5. "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." (Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents)
  6. The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder." (Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 Democratic Party convention.)
  7. China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. (Former French President Charles de Gaulle)
  8. I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. (David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.)
  9. Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. (Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery)
  10. We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. (Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks)
  11. Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. (Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22)
  12. "It's like an alcatraz around my neck." (Boston Mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces)
  13. Half this game is ninety percent mental. (Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark)
  14. They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off. (Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.)
  15. The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe. (Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia)
  16. Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. (Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson of a federal anti-smoking campaign.)
  17. After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post. (Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island)
  18. That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it. (A congressional candidate in Texas)