Real Live Newspaper Headlines and Ads

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS

FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE

IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?

STUD TIRES OUT

PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN

BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS

LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS

EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS

SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM

SHOT OFF WOMAN'S LEG HELPS NICKLAUS TO 66

ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX

PLANE TOO CLOSE TO GROUND, CRASH PROBE TOLD

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE

TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES

2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS IN CHECKOUT COUNTER

KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS

NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES INFECTION FROM LOVED ONE

DRUNKEN DRIVERS PAID $1000 IN '84

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

ENFIELD COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

TOILET STOLEN : POLICE HAVE NOTHING TO GO ON

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures (Daily Sun-Post (San Clemente, CA) 1/17/77)

Sneak Attack by Soviet Bloc Not Foreseen (The Atlanta Journal 4/4/79)

War Dims Hopes for Peace (Wisconsin State Journal 12/27/65)

Blue Skies Unless its Cloudy (San Francisco Chronicle 5/29/??)

Bankrupt Association Termed in Poor Shape (Lawrence (KS) Journal-World 7/12/77)

Food is Basic to Student Diet (Bridgeport (CN) Post 1/18/78)

Alzheimer's Center prepares for an affair to remember

GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON -- FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

KELLOGG'S POT TARTS -- $1.99 box

FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN -- $2.09 lb.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay $7-$9 per hour.

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -- $175

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING -- "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat...been out awhile...better be a reward

GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN -- 89 cents lb.

ICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED -- USED ONCE -- SLIGHTLY STAINED

FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: one 5-finger, one 3-finger, PAIR: $15

TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION -- $6800

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE

83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME

FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) -- $50

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED -- CALL CHUBBIE

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAK NEIGHBOR'S DOG

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE. ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

FREE PUPPIES. PART GERMAN SHEPHERD -- PART STUPID DOG.