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NASA announced today that due to recent budget cuts in the nation's space program it was cancelling today's solar eclipse. "The money just ain't there," said NASA Administrator Dan Goldin.

The action drew immediate criticism from Capitol Hill. Congressman George Brown, Chairman of the House Space, Science and Technology Subcommittee threatened to vote against the space station unless full funding for the eclipse was reinstated. "Give us the money or the station cacks it!" he said.

Meanwhile, the Ballistic Missile Defense Organization has proposed a new "faster, cheaper, better" solar eclipse to be known as Beavis, for the popular kids cartoon ("Heh, heh, eclipses are cool. . . ").

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