TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.

6969 SLIPPERY ROOT DRIVE

DROPTROUSER, NC 22269

Dear (insert name)

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model, and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.

Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not protray a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose, baggy condom is NOT considered romantic.

We did admire yor efforts to try and firm it up by using poly-grip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photograph taken. We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a bicycle grip.

We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for further consideration, if by chance we decide there is a market for micro-mini condoms.

We send greetings to your wife and our deepest sympathy.

Sincerely,

Burley Dick, President

TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.

p.s. Remember our slogan: Cover your stump before you hump. Don't be silly, protect your willie. Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker. If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it!!!