Fifty Ways to Kill an Ensign
(Lyrics: Joel Polowin. Music: Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover")
- The problem is something 'bout your clothes, she said to me
- The red shirt and the stripeless sleeves yell, "I'm Security!"
- And when you get down planet-side with Kirk, you'll get to see
- There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
- He takes a landing party down to find what's going on
- A couple of the bridge crew, and some extras come along
- And then before you know it - the `expendables' are gone
- There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
- Fifty ways to kill an ensign
- Just step on a rock, Jock
- Get thorns from some plants, Lance
- A Horta can spray, Ray
- Just listen to me
- Clouds drink up your blood, Bud
- Computers can kill, Bill
- You could lose all your salt, Walt
- Kirk gets away free...
- She said it grieves me so to see you with such nerves
- Not ev'ryone who goes with Kirk will suffer from this curse
- But then of course, you must recall - they sometimes suffer WORSE
- There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
- Just tell him, "I'm not stupid and I'm not expendable
- I'm not going!" Tell him that he's a Denebian slime devil
- And he's overbearing, swaggering, and dictatorial
- He'll find a new way to kill an ensign
- Fifty-one ways to kill an ensign
Permission granted to use or distribute this text for any non-commercial
purpose, so long as its content is not altered and this note is appended.
I'd appreciate receiving a copy of any publication in which it is printed:
Joel Polowin / 205 Toronto St. / Kingston, Ontario / CANADA K7L 4A9 .
E-mail: polowin@silicon.chem.queensu.ca, polowin@chem.queensu.ca,
polowinj@qucdn.queensu.ca, Joel.Polowin@p4.f107.n249.z1.fidonet.org