An Enterprising Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship,

Not a computer was working, not even a blip;

The radios were silenced by Uhura with care,

In hopes that the Federation would forget they were there.

The crewmen were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of Wrigley's Pleasure Planet danced in their heads;

And Kirk in his quarters, and Arex in his nest,

Had just settled down to a well-deserved rest.

When down in the labs there arose such a clatter,

Kirk sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.

To the turbolift he rushed with a roar,

Dropped down two decks and burst from the door.

The light in the walls of the corridor space

Gave dimness of evening to the Captain's face;

When, what to his suspicious eyes should appear,

But three anti-grav units, piled high with some gear.

Behind them a fellow, dressed up all in red,

With a white flowing beard and a cap on his head.

More stealthily than Klingons, his helpers they came,

And he whispered and motioned, and called them by name.

"Now Yeoman! Now Ensign! Now Nurse and Lieutenant!

Be quick now, Commander! We have a time limit!

To the rooms of the crew! To the end of each hall!

Now dash it and darn it! Be quiet you all!"

As good warriors ready to enter a fray,

When they meet with a leader, rush to obey,

So up to the sixth deck, the helpers they flew,

Each pair with a grav unit, and the gear piled on, too.

And, in the twinkling, Kirk gave hot pursuit

To see what this fellow would do with his look.

As he hid in a niche, and was turning to spy,

Out of a room, the fellow backed with a sigh.

He was covered in fur, from his foot to his dome,

And his body was rounded with stuffing of foam;

White trimming about his fat belly traversed,

And he looked like a tribble, just ready to burst!

The end of a stylus he helt tight in his fist,

And marked off each stop on his computer print list.

His droll little mout was drawn up in a grin

That went almost unseen 'neath the beard on his chin.

His helper was taller, and dressed up like an elf,

And Kirk smiled when he saw him, in spite of himself;

THe slant of a brow and the point of an ear,

Soon made Kirk to know he had nothing to fear.

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their chore

And placed a wrapped package inside every door.

Then meeting the others, all finished and done,

They headed back down, from where they had come.

Kirk sprang from his niche, to watch them take therir leave,

And the last thin he saw was the red fellow's sleeve.

But Kirk heard him exclaim as he dove out of sight,

"I'm a doc, not a Santa. Hope I got everything right."

A ST:TNG CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship

Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;

The phasers were hung in the arm'ry securely,

In hope that no aliens would get up that early.

The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks--

except for the few who were partying drunks;

And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,

Had just settled down for a neat face to face...

When out in the halls there arose such a racket,

That we lept from our beds pulling on pants and a jacket.

Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,

Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly, "Deck One!"

The bridge Red-ALert lights, which flashed throught the din,

Gave a luster of Hades to objects within.

When, what, on the viewscreen, should our eyes behold,

But a weird kind of sleigh, and some geek who looked old.

But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,

That we know in a moment it had to be Q.

His sleigh grew much larger the closer he came,

Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name;

"It's Riker! It's Data! It's Worf and Jean-Luc!

It's Geordi! And Wesley, the genetic fluke!

To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!

Now float away, float away, float away all!"

As leaves in autumn are whisked off the street,

So the floor of the bridge came away from out feet,

And up to the ceiling our bodies they flew,

As the captain called out, "What's the meaning of this, Q!"

The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,

And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.

As we took in our plight and were looking around,

The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.

Then Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,

Appeared oonce again to continue the show.

"That's enough!" cried the Captain, "you'll stop this at once!"

And Riker said, "Worf! Take your aim at this dunce!"

"I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc," replied Q.

"I just wanted to spend Christmas with you."

As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.

He dumped out the contents and took a step back.

"I've brought gifts," said he, "to show I'm sincere.

There's something delightfoul for everyone here."

He sat on the floor and dug into the pile,

And handed out gifts with his most charming smile.

"For Counselor Troi, there's no need to explain,

Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.

For Worf, I've got mints as his breath's not too great,

And for Geordi LaForge, and inflatable date.

"For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-Plus;

For Data, a joke book; for Riker, a truss.

For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,

And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of seeing her that way."

Then he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face,

And clapping his hands, disappeared into space.

But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"