THE ASTRONOMER'S DRINKING SONG.

"Whoe'er would search the starry sky, 
    Its secrets to divine, sir,
Should take his glass-I mean, should try 
    A glass or two of wine, sir!
True virtue lies in golden mean,
    And man must wet his clay, sir;
Join these two maxims, and 'tis seen 
    He should drink his bottle a day, sir!

"Old Archimedes, reverend sage! 
    By trump of fame renowned, sir,
Deep problems solved in every page, 
    And the sphere's curved surface found, sir:
Himself he would have far outshone, 
    And borne a wider sway, sir,
Had he our modern secret known, 
    And drank a bottle a day, sir!

"When Ptolemy, now long ago,
    Believed the earth stood still, sir,
He never would have blundered so, 
    Had he but drunk his fill, sir:
He'd then have felt it circulate, 
    And would have learnt to say, sir, 
The true way to investigate
    Is to drink your bottle a day, sir!

"Copernicus, that learned wight,
    The glory of his nation,
With draughts of wine refreshed his sight, 
    And saw the earth's rotation;
Each planet then its orb described, 
    The moon got under way, sir;
These truths from nature he imbibed 
    For he drank his bottle a day, sir!

"The noble Tycho placed the stars, 
    Each in its due location;
He lost his nose by spite of Mars, 
    But that was no privation:
Had he but lost his mouth, I grant 
    He would have felt dismay, sir,
Bless you! he knew what he should want 
    To drink his bottle a day, sir!

"Cold water makes no lucky hits; 
    On mysteries the head runs:
Small drink let Kepler time his wits 
    On the regular polyhedrons:
He took to wine, and it changed the chime, 
    His genius swept away, sir,
Through area varying as the time 
    At the rate of a bottle a day, sir!

"Poor Galileo, forced to rat
    Before the Inquisition,
E pur si muove was the pat 
   He gave them in addition:
He meant, whate'er you think you prove, 
   The earth must go its way, sirs;
Spite of your teeth I'll make it move, 
   For I'll drink my bottle a day, sirs!

"Great Newton, who was never beat
    Whatever fools may think, sir;
Though sometimes he forgot to eat, 
    He never forgot to drink, sir:
Descartes took nought but lemonade, 
    To conquer him was play, sir;
The first advance that Newton made 
    Was to drink his bottle a day, sir!

"D'Alembert, Euler, and Clairaut, 
    Though they increased our store, sir,
Much further had been seen to go 
    Had they tippled a little more, sir!
Lagrange gets mellow with Laplace,  
    And both are wont to say, sir,
The philosophe who's not an ass 
    Will drink his bottle a day, sir!

"Astronomers! what can avail 
    Those who calumniate us;
Experiment can never fail
    With such an apparatus:
Let him who'd have his merits known 
    Remember what I say, sir;
Fair science shines on him alone 
    Who drinks his bottle a day, sir!

"How light we reck of those who mock 
    By this we'll make to appear, sir,
We'll dine by the sidereal clock 
    For one more bottle a year, sir:
But choose which pendulum you will, 
    You'll never make your way, sir,
Unless you drink-and drink your fill,- 
    At least a bottle a day, sir!"