My Fortune Cookie Business

Has anyone else noticed that fortune cookies suck ass these days? I mean, you’re lucky to even get one that makes a prediction of any kind. Future tense verbs have become few and far between. Nowadays they all seem to say things like “You are kind and generous,” or “Be bold and resolute.” My estimate is that they’re about 50% compliments, 25% commands, 24% musings about life, and 1% actual predictions (if that). How refreshing would it be to open up a fortune cookie and find something that’s actually amusing or at least isn’t the same old boring shit? I contend that I could do a much better job by predicting completely random and obviously nonsensical things. I’ll call it Mike’s Random-Ass Fortune Company. For example:

• While walking down the street, a man named Steve will approach you and try to sell you a bullfrog
• You will develop an undying passion for maple syrup
• A man with six fingers will attempt to give you $20 on the metro. Do not take it.
• On a trip to Rio de Janeiro, you will purchase your weight in red roses
• You will receive a female cockatoo for your birthday and name it Janine
• During a trip to a local Italian restaurant, you will realize you hate ziti
• Six Canadian midgets will offer to clean your gutters for a small fee
• The Swiss cheese in your refrigerator will go bad before you eat it
• On January 7^th, 2009, you will get a cut on your right ring finger
• When you visit the zoo, the tigers will be inside and refuse to come out
• You will purchase 48 loaves of bread during the next calendar year

Personally, I would find it funny to pick up any of these, but I admit that my sense of humor is a bit (read - extremely) odd. Maybe it would be a fad that would wear off, but for a while, I think other people would find this amusing too. Just about anything would be better than what’s there now in my opinion.

Seriously, though, is anyone actually interested in seeing if money could be made doing this? I feel like I could write these all day.