Immanual Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy begger
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could outconsume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shanty was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am"

And Socrates himself was particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed

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