Lord Bartók of Beagledor, Bane of Squirrels!

Here he is! The world's best dog. Unbiased research shows that Bartók the (mostly) Beagle has the softest ears of any canine in the greater Washington D.C. metro area. In addition, Bartók has learned "sit", "stay", "come", "fetch", "down", "up", "beg", "water", "tug", "treat", "do your business", "walk" and "roll over". Not bad for a two year old (bday: 12/27/04). We rescued him in May 2006 from the Washington D.C. Humane Society. Next we'll work on "attack campaign canvassers", "surf the web", and most important of all, "make coffee".

Bartók has many attributes of a beagle: 1) he perches, vulture-like on furniture; 2) he tries to carry his bowl around; 3) he sniffs EVERYTHING in sight or not in sight; 4) he's adorable; and 5) he bays when he catches the scent of prey (not in the house, thank the Gods). What sets him apart from AKC beagles is 1) he's not retarded from inbreeding; 2) he weighs ~35 lbs (and it's not fat); 3) his ears don't quite reach the tip of his nose when rotated forward; 4) he doesn't have the white tip on the tail so you can track the dog in high grass on the hunt (though it does stick up when on a walk); and most importantly, 5) he's trainable (see 1).

We leave you with this chestnut: What does a dyslexic agnostic with insomnia do? He lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.