This is a list that my former housemate and I started several years ago. This is a list of poorly planned questions and hilarious statements that we have actually heard or seen during news segments. I have tried to recreate the quote or situation as best as possible (with names mostly deleted). I have also taken the liberty of adding my own commentary.
NOTE: I haven't posted new quotes on this page in awhile. It doesn't mean there hasn't been stupid stuff said on the news, it's just a sign of how busy I've been lately. As I find something new to post, this page will get a spring cleaning!
"Was the robbery politically motivated?"
(Gee, a robbery in which valuable information concerning the election of
an Israeli offical was stolen that's not politically motivated? Hmmmm. Of
course, this question was asked AFTER they went through a whole list of
possible political implications stemming from the robbery.)
"So when did you realize that the power went out?"
(Duh, like maybe the heat wasn't working, and when I flipped the light
switch on, like, the lights didn't come on and stuff. I couldn't figure
it out. So, when I went to open my refrigerator, the troll that turns the
light on told me that the power was off. Then I knew for sure that the
power went out!)
"He was taken away for psychiatric testing and was found to be
competent not competent . . ."
(I guess this is like the
Schrodinger Cat experiment in which the cat is in the superposition of states
|alive> + |dead> before you collapse the wave function? The man is in the
superposition of states |competent> + |not competent>?)
"How do you turn it off?"
(Gee, it's pretty sad when
you have your finger on the smoke detector test button and you don't know
that you're supposed to lift your finger!)
"This is (name omitted) reporting for News Channel 4."
(That's fine except for one thing: This isn't News Channel 4!!!!)
"In Faircats . . . uh, I mean Fairfax,. . ."
(Ouch!)
"Hot enough for you? This, and other stupid questions,
when we return."
(Yeah, nearly the entire weather segment was composed of the meteorologist
asking people from all over the country what cute (in other words "stupid")
things they say when the weather turns unseasonably hot. Gag me!)
"The lightning that struck the man today was produced by the
same clouds responsible for the thunderstorms this afternoon."
(Gee, thanks for clearing that one up for us!)
DESCRIPTION: An on-the-spot reporter had just finished
her segment. When they returned to a shot of the studio, the icon they had in
the upper right corner of the screen completely covered the news anchor's
face! You then saw the view of the studio move so that the icon wasn't
convering the man's face anymore. As his face appeared, you could see he had
a nervous smile on his face as if to say "Can they see me now?"
DESCRIPTION: The sports reporter was talking about a
game and wanted to go to the highlights, but they wouldn't come up. So he
started pointing his finger to his left, and he said "Can we go to the
highlights?" He kept pointing his finger for another minute before the
highlights came up. Then, he said, "Finally, we have the highlights."
(It turns out that this happened again later in the sports segment.)
"These nurses are out here on strike because they claim that they
are overpaid and overworked."
(This was probably just a slip of
the tongue, so I'll go lightly on this one. However, how many people would
honestly claim they make too much money! One of the nurses they were
interviewing quickly corrected them on this.)
"We have breaking news. An elementary school is on file at this
hour." (later) "There are flames shooting through the roof.... We're
not sure how this will affect school tomorrow."
(I think I'll leave this one alone.)
"People should turn off their main breaker when returning to their
hos."
(Ditto.)
"He's known as the LA Laker who's the sqeaky qween pwayer."
(Another slip of the tongue here. Say "squeaky clean player" five times fast!)
"There are people from every planet on Earth in this state."
(This is actually a quote from California Governor Gray Davis. Now I'm a
planetary scientist, but I had no idea there were planets this small! I wonder
what would happen if we hooked this guy up with Dan Quayle and "Dubya".)