Narrator: Fresh out of undergrad, or hardened after years in the
"real world," a special group of students is about to encounter the
adventure of a lifetime...
grad school.
Camera shows a slow-mo shot of a bunch of starry-eyed students
entering the stacks of the graduate library for the very first time.
Narrator: But first, they're about to learn a lesson of their very own
making...
Camera shows a classroom crowded with about 40 students. A nervous teaching assistant is standing in front of the room.
Teaching Assistant: Any questions?
Student (raises hand): Can we get notes from you if we don't show up
for class?
Narrator: Watch as our grad students encounter fun-filled weekends...
Camera shows a livingroom with three couches. There is a grad student
on each couch, dressed in pajamas, correcting papers with red pens.
The coffeetable is littered with coffee cups and bags of chips.
Narrator: ..exciting trips to foreign places...
Roommate: You're going to New York for the weekend?! That's great! Going to visit that boyfriend of yours, right?
Grad student: (sigh) Well, not exactly...
Roommate: Then, what is it? What's the reason?
Grad student: (looks guiltily away) A... a book.
Narrator: ...expand their cultural horizons...
Camera shows a group of grad students huddled around the
television, as "90210" is about to come on the air.
Narrator: ....and most importantly, love and recognition from their
students.
Camera shows a harried undergrad running up to the professor after lecture.
Undergrad: Dr. Whatsyourname, my grandmother and my two great- aunts were stranded in their motorboat yesterday, and I had to rescue them. I need to make up the exam.
Dr. Whatsyourname: Have you spoken to your TA?
Undergrad: I dunno.
Dr. Whatsyourname: You don't know what?
Undergrad: I dunno my TA's name.... I think it's Lisa.
Dr. Whatsyourname: Both of the TA's are named Lisa...
Camera shows another shot of the grad students walking in
slow motion through the stacks.
Narrator: Somehow, they perservere.
Grad Secretary: Dr. Whatsyourname's sick. Can you lecture
at 11:00?
Grad Student: I'll try.
Camera shows a terrified student creeping up to the podium in the lecture hall. All eyes are fixed upon her. She speaks into the mike.
Grad student: Today we're going to discuss the art of the
Late Roman Empire. It was very, very late, and... very, very
Roman...
Narrator: And whatever comes their way, they never give up...
Camera shows a graduate student seated on the couch in her apartment. She is wolfing down a Hot Pocket burrito, while typing away with her right hand. With her left hand, she is holding the phone. With her foot, she is scribbling madly on a pad of paper.
Roommate: What are you doing?
Grad student: What does it look like I'm doing?
Roommate: Going crazy?
Grad student: NO WAY! (Motions with right hand)
I'm writing my dissertation, (motions with foot) while I write
my grant proposal (bobs foot up and down). Wait a second....
(She props the phone against her ear, and whispers to her roommate)
I'm on hold with the Main Library of Outer Mongolia.
(Speaks into phone) Yes?! You have the book?!!! I'll be on
the next flight out....
Camera shows a montage of rapidly flashing scenes of students
pulling suitcases full of books to the library, throwing wine bottles
into the recycle bin, replacing a burnt out bulb in the slide
projector, masking and mounting slides, and, finally, tossing a
flurry of blue exam books up into the air.
Narrator: So, this Thursday, get ready for the ride of a lifetime.
Remember, you can't afford not to make the grade.
This piece was written by Elizabeth Tobey.