How to kill an eel (a true story)
Little Jonny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious.
He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and wondered
what it was and how it was done. One day, he took his questions to his mom,
and she became frustrated. Instead of explaining things to him, she told him
to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and
boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Jonny described EVERYTHING
to his mom.
"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most
of the lights. Then he started to hug and kiss her, I figured sis must be
getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so
too because he put his hand in her blouse to feel her heart just like a doctor
would. Except he's not as good as a doctor, because he seemed to have
problems finding her heart.
"He was getting sick too because soon both of them began panting and
getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold,
because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of
the couch. This is when the fever started. I know it ws a fever because sis
told him she was really HOT.
"Finally, I found out what was making them so sick......a big eel had
gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood
there 8 or 9 inches long. HONEST! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep
it from getting away. When sis saw it, she got really scared. Her eyes got
big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like
that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!
"Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off.
All of a sudden, she let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Then she
grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his
pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis
lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it. And he
helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis
started groaning and squeeling and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I
guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
"After awhile, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend
sat up and sure enough, they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead 'cause it
just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her
boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting
anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel
wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I
guess eels are like cats......they have 9 lives or something.
"This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it.
After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it
was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush
it down the toilet.
"Mother fainted. Hmmmmm......I guess she hasn't seen too many eels."