I AM AMERICAN....

I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or generally well-liked. I
don't live in a clean place,
I don't eat nutritiously very often,
And I abandon my car on the side of the interstate until the tires are
stolen.

I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg, Although I'm certain they
weren't American.
I drink watery beer.
I don't use utensils when eating.
I believe in guns for settling disputes, not discussions.

And I pronounce it AIN'T, not AREN'T.
I don't say "you're welcome" in response to "thank you" , I say "Uh Huh"

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack......until I go anywhere.

Burger King IS fine dining and Miss America is a virgin.
Ketchup IS a vegetable and WWF wrestling is real.

The UNITED STATES is the ONLY country in the world, The FIRST nation of
ignorance, And the BEST part of South America!

My name is Johnny Bob Jimmy Joe Ray, I'm married to my sister... AND I AM
AMERICAN!