Subject: A script from William Shatner
From: [email-masked] (William Shatner)
Date: Tue, 22 Jun 1993 17:12:35 GMT

Dear Kenneth,

Thank you for your complimentary message.  You still seem reluctant to accept
that I am who I am, however.  Ah well, perhaps the message below will convince
you.

--Bill

Dear Matthew,

Thank you for restoring my faith in the fans who read this computer bulletin
board.  I'm glad to see that at least one fan out there has "got a life."
Being an ordinance officer is a fine accomplishment, and your being a technical
expert on the two new Star Trek series is definitely something you should be
proud of.  In fact, your skills as a technical expert could come in handy to me
as I get a little farther along on a project I'm working on (see below).

In case the fans haven't heard, Paramount has approached me about directing an
episode of Deep Space Nine.  Anyway, I have an idea for an episode of this 
show which would suit my style of television and my personal directing style.
Rick Berman liked the basic idea when I laid it out for him in synopsis form,
so I have developed it into what we call a "demo script."  I'm going to send it
to this group (in fact, I'll just append it to this message) and let fans
discuss whether they like it.  Piller is not that hot on it, but if Rick and I
can go to Mike with proof that the fans want to see it, I think you'll have it
during next season.

If the demo script is liked (and the idea bought by the money men at the
studio), I will need a writer I can work with to make the script into a full
screenplay.  I would usually hire someone out here, but since I'm going out to
the fans with this anyway, I'd like to let a fan or two with the right skills 
help me if we can work together.  There is a Teresa Waterkuetter who reads 
this area, and I notice she is an editor.  Also, she seems to be the only 
other person who sent a supportive message to me after my first mailing.

I'm sure there are many other true fans out there who just don't send answers
in, so I would like to let everyone look at my script.  What do you guys say?
The working title I gave the episode is "Good Clean Fun."  I understand the
medium of television and, frankly, friends, I miss directing (Rescue 911 offers
me little directing possibilities).  I feel that my Deep Space Nine episode
draft has what it takes to be a very good TV show.  Not only does it have
action and mystery but it develops each character on the cast (something I can
see is wanted from reading these messages from you fans), and it provides a
link back to "my" Star Trek generation.  Rick gave me a copy of the Deep Space
Nine writer's guide and I've been working with it a lot while fleshing out the
demo script.  I really think you'll like it.  Let me know if you'd like to see
it. 

Did you fans know that my TekWar book is being made into a movie?  I'm working
on that even now.  I hope you all go to see it.  I'm very proud of my writing 
ability, and I'm happy to see my novel series go to the big screen.

Anyway, thank you again, Matthew.  If you'll publish your home address, I would
like to send you and Teresa Waterkuetter a small token of my appreciation for
acknowledging that even though I'm an actor and director, I can have a real
life, too.  I would send you electromail personally to ask for your addresses,
but you can't respond except in this arena.  Please bear with me, I'm new to
this forum, and have certain problems getting to me personally that others
don't have.  But yes, it's me (and yes, as someone pointed out, I still haven't
figured out how to program my VCR!)

Live long and prosper,

William Shatner

P.S.  When directing messages to me over this bulletin board, please don't 
      call me "Mr. Shatner."  It's Bill to my friends.

Here is the demo script.  Please comment on it.  I want this to be a show the
fans will love.  I'm looking forward to directing it if Paramount buys it.

***************************************************************************

                    "Good Clean Fun"

TEASER
------
  
Space station against Bajor (stock film)
  
SISKO (voice over)
   Station log, Stardate 46842.1.  The station is hosting a conference on deep
   space exploration.  In attendance are over 1000 space scientists.  We are 
   also playing unwilling host to an assembly of mercenary ships captains who 
   have assembled here eager to sell passage through the wormhole to the 
   scientists.
  
Ship moves into view from right, docks with station.
  
SISKO
   Also scheduled for arrival are two other groups of distinguished 
   passengers.  The contestants for the Miss Federation beauty pageant will be
   arriving here in a few hours, and holographers for Galactic Sports
   Illustrated are docking now with their models for the shoot of their annual
   swimsuit issue.
      
Fade to interior promenade.  Quark is walking among a group of men playing at 
the tables.  He pats them on the back and collects profits.
  
SISKO
   The scientists and mercenary captains are enjoying the promenade, and Quark
   is enjoying the revenue they bring.  Some of our guests seem to be enjoying
   themselves a little too much, though, and I am afraid that our new arrivals
   may prove to be too much for the composure of those already here.  
   Accordingly, I have tightened security and have instructed Constable Odo to
   personally see to EVERY need of the delegates.
  
QUARK collects a huge pile of chips lost by an obviously inebriated ADMIRAL 
HEFNER, a man in his mid-50's with wine stains all over his uniform.
  
QUARK
   Ah HA!  Admiral Hefner!  Glad to see you back so soon after last night!  You
   must be a very wealthy man to be so good to me!  Is there anything I can 
   get for you, Admiral?  Anything at all?  You name your drink, your game, 
   anything; and I'll name the price.
  
Just then, 40 ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS WOMEN of various races happen by and begin 
removing long coats to reveal the skimpiest space swimsuits.  A holographer 
wearing a shirt emblazoned with the logo of Galactic Sports Illustrated begins
filming to show the women with the backdrop of the promenade gamblers, who all
turn from the tables to watch.
  
HEFNER huddles his face close to QUARK's, while looking at the women.  HEFNER 
shoves his pile of chips toward QUARK.
  
Close-up, HEFNER and QUARK, with nice bits of flesh visible behind.
  
HEFNER
      Spoken like a true Ferengi.
  
QUARK smiles.  Shot widens slowly to reveal ODO standing behind the table, 
listening intently to HEFNER and QUARK, who are shown deep in conversation.  
ODO scowls.
  
END TEASER
  
Opening credits
  
DAX enters the bar to join SISKO as he observes the slightly out of hand 
partiers and bikini-clad women.
  
DAX
   I've never understood why women allow themselves to be used like that.  
   They should be appreciated more for their minds.
  
SISKO
   Come now, old friend.  Surely there are some memories left in there from 
   our old days of galavanting around.  Do you remember that night that we 
   flirted ourselves into 3 Deltan cabaret women who had not yet taken their 
   oath of celibacy.....
  
ODO barges in and intterupts the converstion as DAX reveals a slight grin.
  
ODO
   Are we just gonna let these cavorters overrun the whole space station?  
   Chief O'Brien has been up all night re-programming the replicators for 
   condoms to fit 32 different races.
  
JULIAN and KIRA enter the bar.
  
JULIAN (with a bright face)
   My, they are all rather, interesting, aren't they?
  
KIRA
   Yeah, if you like space bims.  I'll bet none of them can pilot a shuttle.

JULIAN (under his breath)
   Well, maybe if it had a stick control....
  
KIRA
   What was that?
  
JULIAN
   Oh, nothing.  Just thinking out loud.
  
Meanwhile, from their perch high above the bar room floor, JAKE and NOG watch 
the girls in pre-pubescent anticipation.
  
NOG (in a slimy Ferengi voice)
   I hear that "Miss Martian Colonies" likes them young.
  
ODO (eying the women with disdain; under his breath)
   I could match any of their looks AND outperform them!
  
The crowd stirs a little as a man steps up and addresses them.  He is a big, 
robust looking man, with a thick handle bar mustache and boisterous voice. 
Something in his eyes belies his apparent youth.

MAN
   Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome the the lastest swimsuit spectacular of
   Galactic Sports Illustrated.  If there's anything you need, let me know.
   My name is Harry Mudd.
  
GAMBLER (yelling at Mudd)
   Harry Mudd?!?  Why, you dirty rotten cheat!  You sold my wife a batch of
   Venus Drug that didn't work at all!  She's uglier than ever!
  
The GAMBLER lunges at the platform where MUDD is speaking, throwing wild
punches.  He inadvertantly punches an innocent bystander.  A huge fight begins
with everyone at the tables participating.  QUARK silently excuses himself 
from SISKO and walks by the tables, picking up winnings while the combatants 
are not looking.  Shot pans to right to follow him and show more fighting.  
The fighting has the understandable side-effect of accidentally removing more 
and more of the various women's clothing.  Shot pans up to show JAKE and NOG 
salivating.

NOG (hands a bunch of rocks to JAKE, and tosses a few down on the fighters to 
encourage them to keep fighting)
   You make sure they don't stop, and keep those women here!  I'll be right
   back.  I'm going to go sell tickets!  (Gets up and runs off)
  
JAKE (to himself after NOG has gone)
   I've got to talk to O'Brien about making me a remote fabric transporter!
  
Shot of SISKO, ODO, and JULIAN.  Fight in background.
  
SISKO
   Odo, this situation is getting out of hand.  Constable, you're charged with 
   maintaining security on this station.  If you can't handle the job, I'll 
   have Chief O'Brien use you as Windex while you're asleep.  I ordered you to
   personally see to these people's needs so that nothing like this would 
   happen.  I'm going to give you one more chance, Constable, but then....
  
ODO has heard enough.  He begins breaking up the fight.  SISKO, DAX, and KIRA 
turn to leave.  JULIAN catches some very skimpy lingerie which flies into the 
scene.  He turns and begins running after DAX.
  
JULIAN
   Dax!  Dax!  Wait for me!  I have a present for you!
  
Exterior shot of station
  
SISKO (voice over):
   Station log, Stardate 46844.0.  The tensions aboard the station have abated
   somewhat since the conference proceedings have begun, but the situation is 
   still far from normal.  I must commend Constable Odo, however, with keeping
   the peace as well as he has.  Apparently, as I directed, he is seeing to 
   every need of the conference goers.
  
Interior, the V.I.P. quarters for ADMIRAL HEFNER.  The Admiral is seated on
his bed speaking with HARRY MUDD, who is standing.
  
MUDD (jingling a large pile of credits in his hand)
   Fine women; all of them.  And all very eager to get to know a Starfleet
   Admiral better!  For this kind of money, sir, I can arrange for you an
   attractive visitor every night during your stay.
  
HEFNER
   It's ALWAYS night out here in space, Mr. Mudd.
  
MUDD (laughing)
   It is indeed, Admiral, it is indeed.  (pause)  I take it then (gesturing
   toward a starscape showing through the porthole) that night has already
   fallen for today, sir?
  
HEFNER
   It has.  Is that a problem?
  
MUDD
   Certainly not, sir (smiles).  Just describe to me your idea of a fine
   evening.
  
HEFNER (hushed)
   A blond.  A Bajoran tonight, if you have one.  Tall, thin, top-heavy if you
   know what I mean.  Flaming green eyes.  How close can you get?
  
MUDD
   I think I have what you're looking for, Admiral.  If you'll excuse me....
   (turns to leave)
 
HEFNER
   Mr. Mudd.  (MUDD turns)  Uh, as you know, this, uh, business arrangement is
   not exactly sanctioned by the Federation, especially for Admirals such as 
   myself.  Does anyone else know of your enterprise?
  
MUDD
   Enterprise?  Don't scare me like that, sir (smiles).  Well, Admiral, yes,
   although I am newly arrived here, I think you'll find my services to be
   well-known throughout the station, with the exception of the members of the
   permanent staff, of course.  You see, sir, I'm always willing to do my part
   in any way, and I regard what I do as my little way of reducing tensions 
   around here.  You can rely on my total confidence, Admiral.  You have my 
   word.
  
HEFNER
   I've heard that your word, Mr. Mudd, is as good as your name, but, I'll
   simply remind you how much more profit you can expect to make from me if my
   connection with your little business remains between us.
  
MUDD
   Thank you, Admiral, I had not forgotten (smiles, jingling the coins).  Now,
   to attend to your needs.  (leaves the room)
  
HEFNER smiles to himself, then slowly gets a puzzled look on his face.  He
rises and starts toward the door which Mudd went through.  It opens for him
before he gets there, though, and through it walks a gorgeous tall blond
Bajoran with flaming green eyes.  She is wearing a sleeveless evening gown 
slit up the side with shoulder-length gloves.  HEFNER backs up as she enters
and he sits on the bed again as the door closes.
  
BIM (very slowly removing her clothes to reveal very very sexy lingerie)
   Mr. Mudd sent me, Admiral.  He said you needed a friend.  Mind if I leave 
   the earring on?  It's a Bajoran thing.
  
HEFNER (his confused look slowly turning to entrancement)
   Uh, no, of course not, uh, what's your name?  (begins undoing his uniform)
  
BIM
   You can call me Bim, Admiral (reaches around behind her to her bra clasp)
   Is anything wrong, Admiral?  You seem....
  
HEFNER (eager)
   No, Bim, no.  It's just that....
  
BIM
   What is it?  I'll do anything.
  
Shot from behind Bim, her hands on her bra clasp, Hefner in front of her on 
the bed slobbering.
  
HEFNER
   Oh, nothing (he gestures toward the door she came through).  It's just that
   I could have SWORN that that was a closet door.
  
From behind her, we see BIM laugh and remove her bra.  She advances quickly 
toward the bed and the waiting ADMIRAL HEFNER.  BIM pushes the ADMIRAL back on
the bed and mounts him, licking her lips hungrily......
  
Shot of the hallway just outside the Admiral's quarters.  Two bikini-clad
girls are walking by.  They look at each other with a knowing grin as a 
muffled scream of ecstacy is heard escaping the Admiral's door.
 
GIRL #1
   Must be that new one you were telling me about.  Funny though, I don't 
   remember seeing her on the transport when we left...
 
GIRL #2
   Or the one YOU told ME about.  And I don't recall them being on the 
   transport either.  Think we should report them?  You KNOW what they're 
   doing is forbidden.
      
GIRL #1
   Yeah, I know.  And don't all the men around here know it too!  God, I hate 
   turning them all down!  But I want to win that contest.
      
GIRL #2
   And I want to get the cover of Galactic Sports Illustrated.  But what I 
   can't figure is how these women (gestures toward the door from where a cry 
   of pleasure is heard) got their sexual activity monitors off their wrists.
   (Pulls at a bracelet-type thing she wears.)

GIRL #1 (pulling on her bracelet as well)
   Yeah!  Mine won't budge either!  Lucky girls!
 
Another cry of ecstacy issues from behind the door.  The TWO GIRLS giggle and 
continue down the hall.

Shot of the bar, several hours later.  KIRA is unwinding with a drink at a 
table by herself.  She looks lonely, as if she feels left out of the partying 
going on around her.
 
A tall, handsome Bajoran STRANGER approaches her.
 
STRANGER
   I'm surprised to see you here.  You look like the type that doesn't drink 
   or party very often.....
 
KIRA
   We all need to unwind sometime.  Why don't you have a seat?  (pauses as he 
   sits)  Uh, I don't usually encourage men, but....well, the truth is, I'm 
   feeling kind of lonely and left out, what with all the activity around here
   nowadays.
      
STRANGER
   I understand.  I felt exactly the same way myself not that long ago.

KIRA (smiles at him)
   And this drink--it's not synthahol, it's the real stuff--well, maybe it's 
   having more of an effect on me than I thought.  (pause)  I haven't seen you
   around here before.  What brings you to DS9?

STRANGER
   Just looking for new......opportunities, if you will.
 
KIRA (leans toward him, intrigued by the mystery of his answer)
   Sometimes it's a little boring here, you know.  After the long war....
 
STRANGER
   So, you've been in combat?  I'd imagine you're very good in close quarters 
   encounters.
 
KIRA (the look on her face shows a conscious decision not to take offense at 
his sexual innuendo)
   I know how to handle a sword, especially long, well oiled ones....
 
STRANGER
   Indeed?  I specialize in the lunge and thrust technique myself....

Shot pans back to show QUARK watching KIRA and the STRANGER.

KIRA and the STRANGER join hands and rise, leaving the bar quickly.  QUARK 
hurries to the computer console and begins digging for security capsules.
 
QUARK
   Computer, access surveillance cameras, staff quarters.
 
COMPUTER
   Please insert security access, highest level.
 
QUARK smiles and removes the front cover of the console.
 
Shot of corridor.  KIRA and the STRANGER reach her quarters.
   
KIRA
   You seem to know the layout of the station very well, for having been here 
   such a short time.

The STRANGER smiles as they walk through the door into KIRA's quarters.  Once 
inside she runs her hand up the inseam of his leg and into his crotch.
 
STRANGER
   It's been a while for me.  I may be out of practice.
 
KIRA (with a grin)
   That's okay, I like it rough....
 
KIRA quickly removes her uniform to reveal thong underwear and a push-up bra.
 
Shot of the command deck.  Chief O'BRIEN enters frantically. 
 
O'BRIEN
   Has anyone seen Major Kira?  I've been trying to call her for two hours, 
   but her combadge is inactive.
 
QUARK (runs in, waving a small computer disk)
   Ah, but I have seen Kira, and for a small price, I would be willing to
   share what I have seen.
 
SISKO
   What do you mean, Quark?  We're very busy up here.  If you know where the 
   Major is, just tell us.
 
QUARK (waving the tape)
   I don't know where she is now, Commander, but I know where she was a few 
   hours ago.  How badly do you want to know?
 
SISKO
   I have no time for this, Quark.  Give me that tape!  (grabs the tape out of
   Quark's hand)
 
QUARK screeches like a Ferengi.  SISKO puts the tape in a computer console.
 
SISKO
   Computer, play tape in main deck.
 
Shot of SISKO and O'BRIEN looking at a small viewscreen.  Their faces register
astonishment.
 
SISKO (yells)
   Computer!  Stop playback!  Quark!  Where did you get this?!  This looks 
   like security log tape!
 
QUARK
   I had no idea what was on it, Commander.  It was given to me by uh, uh, one
   of the visitors.  He claimed only that it would prove profitable to me.  
   I...  I....  I have nothing to do with it.  It was YOU who took it from ME.
   It is YOURS, not MINE.  (begins to run off)
 
SISKO (grabs QUARK by the back of his tunic and turns him around)
   This "visitor" who gave you the tape!  What did he look like?
 
QUARK (just anxious for someone to blame)
   I don't know.  Uh, there he is.  That's him.  (Points at HARRY MUDD, who is
   passing in a corridor.  QUARK wriggles out of SISKO's grasp, and runs off).
 
SISKO
   Chief, I want you to erase this tape and begin an investigation to
   determine if it is legitimate, and if so, how it was obtained.  And inform 
   Odo; this is a security matter.  I'm going to question our friend Mr. Mudd.
   Have the constable join us.  (exits)
 
O'BRIEN waits until SISKO leaves the bridge.  We see SISKO beginning to speak 
with MUDD as ODO walks onto the bridge.
 
O'BRIEN
   Constable, the Commander wishes you to join him.  He is investigating an 
   apparent breach of the security of Major Kira's quarters.
 
ODO
   What breach, Chief?  There has been no breach.
 
O'BRIEN
   We have evidence that there has been, Constable.
 
ODO
   But I just left Kira's... (long pause) ... uh, I just left the security log
   room...yes, the security log room...and I saw no evidence of any security 
   breach.
 
O'BRIEN
   Trust me, Constable.  You'd better join the Commander.  There he is.  
   (points at SISKO, who is steering a protesting HARRY MUDD down the corridor)
 
ODO, concerned and confused, starts after SISKO and MUDD.
 
O'BRIEN
   Computer, erase tape in main deck.  (pause, O'BRIEN's face lights up as he 
   looks around, alone on the bridge)  Belay that.  Er, computer, COPY the 
   tape in main deck to deck 2 at science station, THEN erase tape in main 
   deck.  Eliminate from memory all reference to the copy.

COMPUTER VOICE
   Working.

O'BRIEN
   Computer, location of Dr. Bashir?
 
COMPUTER VOICE
   Dr. Bashir is currently in the brig.
 
O'BRIEN
   The brig?  Why?
 
COMPUTER VOICE
   Commander Sisko requested that Dr. Bashir join himself and Mr. Harry Mudd
   in the brig at 1423 hours.  At 1424 Dr. Bashir arrived at the brig.  It is 
   now 1425 hours.
 
O'BRIEN
   Damn.  Computer, when Dr. Bashir is alone, inform him to contact me.  Tell 
   him I have something he will want to see.
 
O'BRIEN crosses to the science station and begins watching the copied tape.  
He smiles.  Noises of ecstasy fill the bridge.
 
KEIKO (voice over O'Brien's combadge)
   Miles.
 
O'BRIEN
   Computer, mute audio.  (To his badge)  Yes, Keiko.
 
KEIKO
    Miles, Molly needs a bottle and I'm too busy here at school to work the 
    replicator.
 
O'BRIEN (looking exasperated)
   Yes, dear.
 
KEIKO
   And Miles?
 
O'BRIEN
   Yes, dear?
 
KEIKO
   Replicate a fresh diaper and bring it with you.  (pause) And could you stop
   by our quarters on the way and iron me a blouse?
 
O'BRIEN
   Yes, dear.  I'm coming.  (he leaves)
 
KEIKO (as the shot follows O'Brien down the corridor)
   The white one with the pink lace.
 
O'BRIEN
   Yes, dear.

KEIKO (voice growing quiet as O'BRIEN walks away down the corridor)
   And Miles, while you're there, my brown shoes need shining....

Shot widens.  JAKE and NOG are walking slowly toward the bridge.

JAKE
   Are you sure the noises came from here?
 
NOG
   Yes!  It was just like what they say the holodeck programs sound like!
 
JAKE
   Well I don't hear it anymore.  Maybe dad can tell us what it was.
 
They enter the bridge and look around.  THey are surprised that no one is on
the bridge.
 
JAKE
   Hey!  Over here!
 
NOG joins JAKE at the science station where the tape is still playing silently.
 
NOG
   Holy mounds of Bajor!  That's Major Kira!
 
JAKE
   But who's that man?
 
NOG
   Who cares?

JAKE
   Yeah!  I sure don't!  Computer.  Augment image.
 
JAKE and NOG stare more intently, unblinking.

NOG (panting)
   I want her.
 
A noise disturbs them.
 
NOG (looking around and whispering loudly)
   Copy it!
 
JAKE
   What?
 
NOG (whispering loudly)
   Copy the tape!  We can sell it!
 
JAKE
   But Major Kira will kill us!
 
NOG (staring at the screen, smiling)
   That's the way I want to die!
 
JAKE (staring at the scene--obviously the passion just increased--and he
decides to act)
   You're right!  Computer.  Copy tape in (looks around) science station deck 
   2.  Fifty copies to the deck in Commander Sisko's quarters, coded for 
   retrieval by Jake Sisko.
 
COMPUTER VOICE
   Please give security code.
 
JAKE
   Damn!  I forgot about that!  Let's get out of here.
 
NOG (quickly)
      Security code A3524J22499AR.
 
COMPUTER VOICE
   Copy proceeding.
 
JAKE (staring at NOG incredulously)
   How'd you do that?
 
NOG smiles, and NOG and JAKE leave quickly.
 
IRA enters the bridge, looking around.  She is smiling and walking funny.  She
wonders where everyone is.  She reaches for her combadge.
 
KIRA
   Kira to Dax.
 
She realizes that her combadge is turned off.  She fumbles for the switch with
a wide smile on her face, straightening her rumpled uniform.
 
KIRA
   Kira to Dax.  I have something I need to share with you (smiles widely).
 
Shot of brig.  ODO, JULIAN, and SISKO are questioning HARRY MUDD.
 
MUDD
   I swear, Commander.  I don't know what you're talking about.  I've never
   heard of such a tape!  (smiles)  Although I'd sure like to!
 
SISKO
   Give him another injection, Doctor.  He must be immune to the stuff.
 
JULIAN
   Mr. Mudd is well-known as a trader in medicines.  I have no doubt that he
   is familiar with truth serum suppresant drugs.
 
MUDD
   No, Doctor!  I swear I'm telling the truth.  I'm as curious about this tape
   as you are.
 
JULIAN (quietly, more to himself)
   That is very doubtful.
 
SISKO
   Your tape has been destroyed, Mr. Mudd.
      
JULIAN looks devastated.
 
ODO
   Mr. Mudd.  Ever since you arrived, you have caused nothing but trouble
   here, and now this.  If you persist in withholding the truth, you will be 
   asked to leave immediately.
 
ADMIRAL HEFNER walks to the brig nervously and signals to SISKO.  SISKO
motions him to enter.
 
HEFNER
   Commander, I heard about your detaining this man.  I don't know what he has
   told you, but I assure you, I have had no business with him myself 
   whatsoever.  I know what type of business he is running, but I knew that 
   you and your staff could handle it, so I stayed out of it.  But I myself, 
   I've never seen the man before in my life.  If he told you he was in my 
   quarters three nights ago, it was a lie.
 
MUDD
   WHAT?  The man's right!  I've never seen him before!  And I never said I
   had!
 
HEFNER looks relieved.
 
SISKO
   You said you know what type of business he runs.  What did you mean?
 
HEFNER (loudly, pointedly toward Mudd)
   Uh, as I was saying, Commander, this man runs a, uh, a fine business.  A 
   very honest man.  Lives up to all of his agreements.  For example, 
   Commander, I heard of a man, a Starfleet Admiral like myself, as a matter
   of fact, who paid this man up-front for services to be rendered regularly
   over a long period of time, and this fine man here, this Mr. Mudd, he
   lived up to his side of the bargain, even though during the period he was 
   wrongly detained on a Federation space station.  Isn't that true, Mr. Mudd?
 
MUDD (confused)
   Uh, well....
 
HEFNER winks at MUDD, who looks confused but winks back.
 
HEFNER
   I can vouch for this man, Commander.  I suggest you release him to my
   custody.  Whatever has been done can be explained.
 
SISKO
   A member of my crew has had her privacy invaded, Admiral, and this man is 
   to blame.  I cannot release him.
 
HEFNER (a little miffed)
   Commander, release this man.  That's a direct order.
 
SISKO (mad)
   Yes, sir. (signals to security guard who turns off the brig door)
 
MUDD
   Thank you, sir, THANK you, sir!  You say you're an Admiral?  Mudd's the 
   name, Harry Mudd (offers his hand).  Pleased to make your acquaintance!  If
   there's ever anything I can do for you, such as....
 
HEFNER (clasps his hand over Mudd's mouth)
   Dismissed, Commander.
      
HEFNER and MUDD leave.
 
SISKO (turns to ODO)
   Constable, I'm not sure exactly what just went on here, but I want you to 
   start an investigation and find out.  I want a all-hours watch put on Harry
   Mudd, and I want reports on the Admiral's doings as well.  I suggest you 
   get started right away.
 
ODO
   Yes, sir, but first, if you'll excuse me, I am running late for, uh, an
   appointment.  (He leaves)
 
Shot of exterior of space station as worm hole flares in the background.

SISKO (voice over)
   Station log, stardate 46892.4.  Odo is continuing his investigation into 
   the security breach involving Major Kira.  I have relunctantly released 
   Harry Mudd into the custody of Admiral Hefner, but I remain suspicious of 
   him, and am keeping him under surveillance.

Shot pans across space station and zooms in on a large window, through which 
we can see ADMIRAL HEFNER conversing with a BRUNETTE VIXEN in her underwear, 
who is stuffing credits into her bra and putting her blouse on.  Switch to 
interior of the room.

HEFNER
   ...and you were worth every credit, honey.  A word of advice, though:  I 
   just don't think it's good from a marketing perspective to use your title 
   of "Miss Crab Nebula."  Might scare away some, er, business opportunities.
   How about something like, say, "Miss Supernova."  Yeah,  that would be much
   better.  And much more appropriate.

Door chimes.

HEFNER (to the door)
   Enter.

HARRY MUDD enters, and the bikini bimbo leaves.  HARRY follows her with his
eyes lustfully.

MUDD
   You keep good company, Admiral!  (Pause)  Uh, you wanted to see me, sir?

HEFNER
   Okay Mudd, what was all that about in the brig?

MUDD
   Really Admiral, my good friend.  I have no idea why I was questioned in
   regards to that tape.  I've done nothing wrong.  You can ask anyone.  I'm 
   just an honest trader in goods....

HEFNER (interrupting, smiling)
   ...and services, eh?

MUDD looks confused.

HEFNER
   Just consider this a warning.  I cannot afford to have any mistakes  made.
   If you slip up again, I'll have that run-down transport of yours 
   confiscated and impressed into service as a garbage scow!

MUDD (as confused as ever)
   Uh, yes sir.

Shot of promenade deck.  SISKO is walking along with KIRA.  She is nervously
distracted trying to figure out why all the passersby are smiling at her.
SISKO'S combadge beeps.

KEIKO
   Keiko to Commander Sisko.  Have you seen Jake?  He didn't show up for class
   today.

SISKO
   He didn't? I'll take care of it immediately, Keiko.  Sorry for the 
   inconvenience.

KIRA raises an eyebrow.

SISKO
   Computer, location of Jake Sisko.

COMPUTER VOICE 
   Jake Sisko is in cargo hold 3.

SISKO
   Is Nog in cargo hold 3 as well?

COMPUTER VOICE
   Affirmative.

A smile of understanding comes over SISKO'S face.

KIRA
   Up to no good, I suppose?

SISKO
   Hardly.  You have to learn to trust your children.  Cargo hold 3 is where 
   Jake tutors Nog, since he can't go to the school anymore.  I'm sure that's 
   what they're doing now.

Switch to shot of Cargo Hold 3.  JAKE and NOG have a table set up, which is 
surrounded by visiting SCIENTISTS and TRANSIENTS.  One SCIENTIST is blind and 
wears a Geordi-type visor mechanism.  The middle of the visor shows an obvious
crack, which has been fixed with white tape.

NOG
   That's right.  VERY explicit and exciting action on these tapes.  Just 50 
   credits apiece.  Get them while they last.

Money is changing hands quickly as JAKE attempts to hand out the tapes to all 
the paying customers.

NOG (to JAKE, looking up, both hands clenched full of money)
   Father would be SO proud of me!

Shot of JULIAN entering his quarters.  He looks somewhat down.
  
JULIAN (mumbling to himself)
   I can't believe I've been here for 3 months now, and even with all the 
   bikini bimbos here, and can't get any action!  And then this tape business 
   comes up, and Sisko erases it before I even get a chance to....

DAX (on JULIAN's bed)
   Well, everyone's luck has to change sometime, don't you think?

JULIAN (spins around with a look of surprise and excitement on his face)
   Dax!  What are you doing here?  How did you get in?  I thought that only 
   Security could....
    
DAX
   Never mind HOW, Julian.  Let's talk about WHY.  And isn't WHY kind of
   obvious?  (She gestures to the white lingerie she wears.)  I've decided
   that I've been too hard on you.  And I haven't let you be HARD enough with 
   me!  You really are a nice person, and very handsome, and well, I haven't 
   been able to get you off my mind lately.

Shot pans to show DAX's clothing.  The silky fabric forms a Y on the front of 
her body, barely concealing he erogenous zones of her physique.  As the camera
moves down her legs, she stands.  She is wearing 4 inch heels which do 
marvelous things to the shape of her legs.

DAX approaches JULIAN slowly, with a sensuous look.  JULIAN looks like he's
about to faint.
        
DAX
   Julian...can I call you Julian?  Before we do anything, there are some
   things you should know about Trill sex.  It can be very intense.

JULIAN (panting)
   I was hoping you'd say that.

DAX
   Every Trill spends four years studying sexual techniques, communication,
   etc.  It helps us to better experience what our host bodies are feeling.  
   In short, we must all become sexual masters.  So let me give you a few 
   pointers first....

Fade to shot of promenade deck.  DAX enters, joining KIRA.

DAX (to KIRA)
   You you wanted to see me, Major?  To tell me something?

KIRA
   Can I trust you, Dax?  I mean, I did something very unlike me, and I have
   to tell you about it.  Because now it seems I need your help.

DAX
   Of course, Major.  What is it?

KIRA
   I met someone.  A Bajoran male.  I, uh, I was drinking a little bit--
   not synthahol--and well, one thing led to another.

DAX
   Kira!  You mean you...?

KIRA
   Well, sort of.  You see, that's my problem, Dax.  He and I, well, let's 
   just say that I'm still seeing stars.

DAX
   Tell me all about it!

KIRA
   Later, Dax.  Right now, you see, I have a more pressing problem.  Are you, 
   uh, familiar with Bajoran sex?

DAX
   No, I can't say that I am.  We Trills have very little sexual knowledge.
   We rely on the hosts we inhabit to provide that--seeing as it's their
   bodies and all.  We never bother even learning about our host's sexuality.
   And in all my years, I've never had a Bajoran host, nor a Bajoran partner.
   And this host body, uh, well, it has very little experience.

KIRA
   Well, Bajoran sex is identical to most other humanoid species, with one 
   difference.  The consummation is in two parts.  You see, Dax, ever since 
   I...we...you know...well, I've been in continuous orgasm.  It's our WAY, 
   until our partner...you know, uh, does it again to bring us down.  But Dax,
   after the first time, I closed my eyes to begin enjoying what we call the 
   Omi-Gaud, and when I opened them he was gone!  Dax, it's unheard of for a 
   Bajoran male to do this!  He is certainly feeling the same thing, but I 
   can't find him anywhere.  I'm in such incredible ecstasy that I can't 
   explain it to you!  Dax, look at me!  I'm shaking and sweating--I can't 
   perform my duties!  You've got to help me find him.  I'm just lucky to have
   Bajoran military training--otherwise I wouldn't have been able to even get 
   dressed.  Oh God, Oh God (closes her eyes and shudders, then begins 
   breathing heavily)

DAX
   Perhaps Dr. Bashir can help.

KIRA
   No, Dax.  You must understand.  It's partner-specific.  And Bashir wants 
   YOU, remember?

DAX
   I meant perhaps the doctor could give you an antidote or something.

KIRA
   I don't know.  And I'd rather keep this between you and me.  Usually the 
   Omi-Gaud is only permitted to last about fifteen minutes.  Then the male 
   rushes through the second phase and goes to sleep.  On Bajor, there are 
   stories about male partners dying between the two phases--you see, Bajoran 
   sex can be kind of rough, if you know what I mean.  The female is left in 
   Omi-Gaud for the rest of her life, which in most cases is not long--since 
   it becomes quite hard for her to find the strength to control her body 
   enough to eat or even contact someone.  In most cases like this, both 
   partners are found dead together.  Oh, God!  Oh, God!  DAX!!  DAX!!  DAX!! 
   (grabs Dax, puts her leg around Dax's hip and scratches Dax's back with her
   nails).  (Still breathing heavy)  You see what I mean?  Dax, I really need 
   your help finding this Bajoran!  The computer can't locate him and I don't 
   even know his name!

A noise is heard.  KIRA and DAX turn to look in the direction of a control
panel.

DAX
   (Also breathing heavily)  Why, Major!  You remind me of a certain Deltan
   cabaret I once visited.  Why don't we, uh, continue our conversation
   about your situation in a more secure setting.

KIRA
   How about my quarters?  Due to my feelings for the Cardassians, I have
   made sure that my quarters are the most secure aboard the station.  (they 
   leave, KIRA is still walking funny)

QUARK and NOG emerge from hiding behind separate control panels, smiling.

QUARK
   Aaggh!  What are YOU doing here?

NOG (surprised)
   I was, uh, wanting to, uh, talk to Major Kira.  I followed her.

QUARK (suspicious)
   What profit is to be made from talking with Major Kira?

NOG (gives up the lie and acting Ferengi again)
   I want her.

QUARK
   A HA!  You're a little young, but I will SHOW you what you're missing!
   Education can bring profits, Nog, mark my words!  (mostly to himself
   while punching buttons)  When I studied the sexual practices of other races
   I knew it would someday prove profitable!  Major Kira is in worse shape 
   than I thought she would be!  I was right to follow her!  And now they're 
   off to her quarters!  Secure quarters, she said!  (he laughs)  A pity no 
   one could profit from the first tape (NOG registers understanding about who
   made the tape but keeps quiet about his use of it), but a second tape is 
   sure to be twice as valuable (laughs like a Ferengi about to make a lot of 
   money and they both scuttle off).

Scene of the bridge.  JULIAN walks in, looking very excited, and very  tired.
He's a little out of breath.  SISKO approaches him.

SISKO
   Julian, are you all right?  You seem a little, disarrayed.

JULIAN
   Commander, I have just had the most incredible experience of my life.  Can 
   I trust you to keep it a secret?  I've just got to tell someone!

SISKO
   Well, I don't....

JULIAN (interrupting)
   I finally "scored" with Dax!  She just came onto me, and we, well, surely 
   you know of the Trill sex rituals...

SISKO
   Trill sex rituals?  (grinning) Julian, I think someone has been pulling 
   your leg, so to speak.  Believe me, Trill have no more interest in sex than
   do the Borg does in human lives.  They're just too cerebral.  The host 
   bodies are just normal, in terms of their activity.  Oh sure, the host 
   bodies can get wild--why, I remember a Deltan cabaret once.... er, never 
   mind.  But Doctor, I'm not falling for it.  I saw Dax entering the 
   promenade and talking with Major Kira just a few minutes ago, and then they
   left together.

JULIAN (looking a little confused)
   Then how do you explain the fact that I've been with Dax for the last three
   hours?

SISKO (perplexed)
   I don't know, but this is all beginning to worry me, and I suspect that 
   Harry Mudd may have something to do with it.

Scene of KIRA and DAX entering KIRA's quarters.

KIRA 
   Now, we've got to find this Bajoran quick!  I sure hope he hasn't left the 
   station already!

DAX
   And what if he has?  Are you sure there's no other way to get you down off 
   this?

KIRA
   Well, I HAVE heard rumors, that if you could find someone to give you an 
   even bigger orgasm, that it would break the "lock," so to speak, of the 
   first one.  But it would REALLY have to be intense, and someone that I'm 
   very attracted to....

DAX (moves behind KIRA and massaging her shoulders)
   Well, are you sure that there's no one here that doesn't fit the bill?
   Remember that Trill, for obvious reasons, have no pre-conceived biases
   toward bi-sexuality.

KIRA (beginning to breathe hard again)
   Dax!  (pause) Well, I have always found you to be attractive, but I mean....

DAX
   Shhhhhh.  Let me handle this.  We don't want to let you die, do we?

KIRA (moans)
   Computer, engage door lock, maximum level.

Scene of QUARK and NOG, bending over a computer view screen. QUARK'S eyes 
light up, and NOG looks confused.

NOG
   Father, they're behaving as Ferengi women do when we are out looking for 
   profit!

QUARK
   Yes!  This tape is valuable!  It can make us profit in many different ways!
   Perhaps first it could be used to get what we want from Major Kira!

The two laugh in that hysterically snide manner of a Ferengi whose plotting is
coming together.

Scene of SISKO, JULIAN, HEFNER, and MUDD, in HEFNER'S quarters.
    
SISKO
   Mr. Mudd, there has been nothing but trouble here ever since you arrived.  
   And although I have no doubt that you are simply adding to the confusion of
   the events that have been transpiring, I'm afraid that I cannot hold you 
   completely responsible.
    
ADMIRAL HEFNER stiffens and looks a little uncomfortable.

SISKO (continuing)
   I'm afraid that not even you could have pulled off some of the things that 
   have happened, but I do know that you can help to me to get to the bottom 
   of this.  If you don't cooperate, I'll be forced to declare martial law on 
   this station and that will give ME (glances at ADMIRAL HEFNER) absolute 
   authority.

MUDD (nervously)
   Why certainly, Commander.  I'd be more than happy to comply with any of
   your wishes.  Just let me know what I can do (plays with his fingers
   nervously).

SISKO
   Much better. Now, here's the plan....

Fade to scene of the bar, where QUARK is waiting on a very ugly looking alien.
MAJOR KIRA enters.

KIRA
   You wanted to see me, Quark?

QUARK
   Yes, come over here where we can talk in private.

They walk to a remote table in an unoccupied part of the bar.
   
QUARK
   I'll get straight to business.  Let's just say that I've obtained a tape 
   with some, uh, interesting scenes of you and Dax, and I would be willing to
   return it to you in exchange for certain....favors.

KIRA looks a little confused, which sets QUARK at unease.
  
QUARK
   (pause)  Surely you know what I'm talking about, Major.  You and Dax....

KIRA (intrigued, she leans closer, and runs the tip of her finger around
QUARK'S ear)
   Well now, I would sure like to see that tape, and I think we can work
   something out.  You know, Quark, I give GREAT lobe.......
    
QUARK begins panting and drooling.

Just then, KIRA's combadge beeps and we hear SISKO's voice

SISKO
   Sisko to Odo.  Sisko to Odo.

QUARK looks confused.

KIRA
   Uh, I've got to get O'Brien to fix my combadge.  That's the third time this
   has happened.  (She leans even closer and licks QUARK's ear).  Wait here.  
   I'll be right back.  I'm anxious to test that old saying, "Big ears, 
   big..." (she leaves, QUARK smiles)

Cut back to scene of SISKO, JULIAN, HEFNER, and MUDD.

SISKO
   Sisko to Odo.  Odo, where are you?
      
ODO (voice over combadge)
   Odo here, Commander.

SISKO
   Constable, where have you been?  We need you down here.  I'm talking to the
   Admiral and our friend Harry Mudd.

ODO (voice over combadge)
   Yes, Commander, but you'll have to continue without me.  I'm hot on the 
   trail of something at the moment.

SISKO
   Very well, Constable.  I have come up with a plan.  I'll fill you in later.

SISKO turns back to MUDD.

MUDD
   But I still fail to see how this plan will help.

SISKO
   You see, Mr. Mudd, by rounding up all the beauty contestants, and all the 
   swimsuit models, and putting them in my quarters where I can keep an eye on
   them, we can see if any more unexplainable incidents occur.  If so, Mr. 
   Mudd, you are off the hook.

JULIAN (anxiously)
   And I suggest we give them each a complete physical.  Perhaps one of them 
   is Talosian or something and is able to create illusions, making you think 
   you saw Dax when you couldn't have possibly, Commander.  (smiles with 
   rememberance, then snaps back)  Yes, Commander, a complete physical for 
   each one.  Also, Commander, I've noticed strange devices on these women's 
   wrists.  I suggest these be removed so that Chief O'Brien can examine them 
   while I, er, examine the women.  Perhaps one of these devices has something
   to do with the strange occurrences.

SISKO
   Agreed, doctor.  You will inform Chief O'Brien and ready sickbay to act as 
   a holding tank for you, me, and all the women.  I will have Odo monitor the
   station for any unusual activity while you perform the examinations under 
   my supervision.

JULIAN
   Yes, sir!  I'll get right on it.  I'll begin turning down the beds!

HEFNER (catching SISKO and JULIAN as they turned to leave)
   Commander!  I seriously resent your implications that our friend here has 
   anything to do with anything improper.  And I also resent your
   commandeering all these innocent young women, when I am sure they have, uh,
   other scheduled duties to perform (looks anxiously toward MUDD).  How long 
   do you intend to keep them confined?

SISKO
   I don't know, Admiral.  Until we get to the bottom of this.

HEFNER
   That could take days!

SISKO (smiles)
   Yes, sir.

HEFNER
   Well, surely you will allow ONE of the women to leave each shift.  For a 
   few hours or so.  If you allow a different woman each shift to, uh, perform
   whatever duties are expected of her aboard the ship--uh, modeling and 
   contest duties, I mean, of course--this surely won't compromise your 
   investigation.  And it may help to determine which of them is responsible 
   for the curious events.

SISKO (doubtful)
   I will consider it, Admiral.

SISKO and JULIAN leave, getting into a turbo-lift.

JULIAN (to the turbolift)
   Sickbay.  High-speed.

MUDD (to HEFNER)
   Uh, Admiral, you seem to have a better idea of what is going on than I do.
   I am a simple businessman.  I came her with the sole intention of selling 
   some Galactic Sports Illustrated T-shirts and posters.  If you can tell me 
   why I am being detained, I...

HEFNER (smiling)
   Heh heh.  That's not ALL you're selling, of course, Mr. Mudd.

MUDD
   Well, I DO have a few KEYCHAINS left....
    
HEFNER
   Come now, Mr. Mudd.  The Commander is on to your prostitution business.  
   Why else would he want to coop up all your girls?

MUDD
   Prostitution?!  "MY" girls?!  What!?  I know nothing about such things!

HEFNER
   This room is safe, Mr. Mudd, we can speak.  Now, about this plan of 
   Commander Sisko's.  If he doesn't allow one of your girls OUT of sickbay, 
   we must figure out a way to get ME IN.  After all, we have a deal; I have 
   paid you handsomely for services to be rendered every shift until my 
   departure from this station.

MUDD
   What deal?!  And why do you keep calling them "my" girls?

HEFNER
   Are you backing out!?  I'll have you thrown in an Argelian prison faster 
   than you can....

MUDD (panicked)
   But Admiral, I'm only too happy to cooperate, Admiral.  Not Argelius,
   please!  Whatever you want, I will help you.  Just tell me what to do--
   but I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.  If you have an 
   arrangement with someone to spend some time with those stuck-up swimsuit 
   models, I'd sure like you to put me in touch with this someone myself!  
   Those girls won't even talk to me!

HEFNER
   Whatever you say, Harry.  But I'll be in my quarters at 2100 hours, same as
   every night, and if I'm alone--no matter what Sisko is doing with your 
   women--you can pack your bags and start acquiring a taste for Argelian 
   Slime Toads.

MUDD (confused)
   Er, I'll do what I can, sir.
        
KIRA (voice over stationwide intercomm)
   Constable Odo.  (softer: "just a minute, Dax"--we hear Dax's voice in the 
   background sighing heavily).  Constable Odo, please report.  (Dax's voice 
   in the background says "Come back Kira, I don't care if it worked on you.  
   Now you owe ME a second one")  Constable Odo, please report.  Oh well.  (We
   hear the sound of a really wet kiss and a combadge being switched off.)

Fade to QUARK's office off the promenade.  QUARK and KIRA are kissing deeply.

KIRA
   What's this about a tape, Quark?

KIRA nibbles on his ears then begins moving down to his neck, etc.

QUARK (panting as Kira moves her head lower)
    But, but, Major--without Ferengi ears, what will I hold on to?

KIRA (stops suddenly)
   Well, you have a point there.  Perhaps we should go somewhere a little 
   more private where you can get a grip, and I could use a little nap before 
   we start.  I can tell you're going to drain me.  Why don't you meet me in 
   20 minutes?  I'll be resting in my buck...., er, quarters.

QUARK (visibly trembling)
   Don't worry, I'll be there!

Shot of sickbay.  A bikini-clad woman lies on each bed; some beds hold two or 
three women.  O'BRIEN, SISKO, and JULIAN stand in the middle of the room.

JULIAN
   Now, everyone.  I suggest you make yourselves comfortable.  We could be 
   here for a very long time.  Chief O'Brien will be coming around to remove
   the wrist devices from you and taking them away for analysis.  If you will,
   once the Chief removes your wrist-device, please remove all other synthetic
   materials from your bodies, such as the swimsuits you are wearing.  
   Commander Sisko and I will be conducting extensive searches and physical 
   examinations.

GIRL #1 (laying on a bed, shaking her wrist wildly towards O'BRIEN)
   Chief!  Over here!  Me first!

O'BRIEN starts toward her with his wrist-device removing instrument.

GIRL #2
   Hey Doctor, can I use these arm and leg restraints?

JULIAN
   Why, certainly.  Will someone volunteer to help the young lady into them?

SISKO starts toward GIRL #2
   No need, Doctor.  I have the situation under control.  (As he reaches the 
   girl and begins strapping her to the bed, he says, drooling) Chief, this 
   one next.  The device, uh, is getting in the way of the restraints.

O'BRIEN finishes with GIRL #1's device.  GIRL #1 rips her clothes off as fast 
as she can and we see them fly over O'BRIEN's head as the camera follows him 
away from her, and JULIAN approaches GIRL #1.

JULIAN
   Feet in the stirrups, please....

We hear GIRL #1 giggle, then a gasp is heard from all women in the room and
Girl #1 moans loudly.  All the other women then begin clamoring, "Chief!  Me
next!  Me next!"

Shot of hallway outside Major Kira's quarters.  QUARK rounds the bend just in 
time to catch a glimpse of DAX leaving.  DAX walks as if she's very tired.  
QUARK presses the "door chime."

KIRA
   Enter.

QUARK hurries into the room, checking to see that no one is watching.

KIRA
   What are YOU doing here?

QUARK (somewhat astonished)
   Well, you, uh, told me to meet you here.  Our arrangement, remember?
   About the tape I have of you and Dax....

KIRA
   Tape?  Of ME?!  And DAX?!  Quark, you sniveling little runt pervert.  I'll 
   have you thrown in the brig for a week.  (taps her combadge)  Kira to Odo, 
   bring a security squad to my quarters immediately!

ODO (voice over combadge)
   My pleasure!  I'm on my way.  Any time I arrest Quark is a pleasure.

KIRA and QUARK looks puzzled.

KIRA
   How did you know it was Quark?

ODO
   Uh, he told me he was going to see you in your quarters.  Yes, that's
   right.  Uh, I'll be right there.  Odo out.

QUARK
   I told him no such thing!  I told no one!  Come on, Major, lick my ear!

KIRA
   You lying pervert!

Exterior shot of station.

SISKO (voice over)
   Station log, stardate 43256.3.  We had our female visitors under close
   surveillance by Doctor Bashir and myself in detention.  Despite our best 
   efforts, no new evidence was uncovered.  Many of the women were, uh, 
   searched more than once, and all were very happy to cooperate.  However, 
   despite our plan of isolating the women, no further incidents have been 
   reported, save for the arrest of Quark for security infringements and 
   breaking privacy regulations.  I have ordered that he perform NON-
   PROFITABLE volunteer work for a month.  As for the strange incidents with 
   certain members of the staff, I still have no explanation, and I begin to 
   fear that the truth may never TAKE SHAPE.  Odo assures me however, that 
   Quark was to blame, and I am given to agree with him.  Our guests are 
   leaving now.

Shot of a docking bay where HARRY MUDD and some women are being loaded onto 
transports.

HEFNER
   Well, Mr. Mudd, I trust that you have learned your lesson and will stay out
   of trouble in Federation territory from now on.  Remember, I'll be keeping 
   an eye on you (he winks).  (Quietly)  I don't know how you got them out, 
   but the, uh, goods you sent to me during Commander Sisko's little 
   experiment were exceptional.  Magnificent!

MUDD (still looking confused and very nervous)
   Thank you, Admiral.  And thank you for the advice.  I have every intention 
   of keeping my nose clean. (he boards the transport, mumbling to himself)  
   When am I going to learn to stay away from these confounded Starfleet 
   officers?

Several of the best looking women walk by, giggle, and wink at both JULIAN
and SISKO.  The two staff members blush.  Admiral HEFNER raises and eyebrow
towards the two.

JULIAN
   They were, uh, very greatful that I gave them a clean bill of health.

SISKO straightens his jacket nervously.

KIRA
   Well, now that that's over with, maybe we can get back to business as 
   usual.  Dax, I've been having a problem programming the replicator in my 
   quarters to make a new....appliance, do you think you could help me work it
   in--er, out?

DAX (smiling)
   Sure, I have nothing else to do right now.

KIRA and DAX walk off.  As they get farther down the corridor, we see them
break into a run.

Switch to scene of the promenade deck where QUARK is performing menial
gardening duties in the terrarium.  ODO is leaning over him.

ODO
   Well, my old friend. It seems that you have finally slipped up. I'm sure 
   that there are more interesting things you could be caught at, but just 
   give me time......

QUARK
   Oh, this is so humilating.

ODO (looking at QUARK'S garden)
   Keep it up, Quark.  (pauses) Well, since you're not in there to cheat me,
   I'm going to try my hand at some of your games of chance. (jingles a
   handful of credits)  You see, I've recently made myself quite a handsome
   profit, something you won't be doing for quite some time. (he walks away
   toward the promenade)

QUARK, frustrated, turns back to his labor.

Scene of O'BRIEN'S quarters.

KEIKO
   Miles?  Miles, where are you...and what have you done with the video tape 
   player?  Miles?  Is that you locked in the bathroom?

THE END